Sunday, October 19, 2008

Blondes Do Have More Fun and Other Stories

Apparently Blondes do have more fun. I mean, I knew this already because I'm a blonde and I obviously know that I have more fun than my brunette friends... I mean, is there even a question?
Well what would happen if that fun-ness was ripped away from you and you were American? Well you would sue of course!
A Connecticut woman sued L'Oreal when she accidentally dyed her hair brown. She says she will never be able to return to her "natural" blonde look and that she was so traumatized because of it, she missed work, wears hats almost all the time and is now on anti-depressants... don't worry, our legal system isn't entirely screwed up as the Judge threw out the case. I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say that she may have other issues that aren't immediately evident in this article. What do you think?

Speaking of Brunettes... do you remember that guy who went on TV a few months ago saying that they caught Big Foot? Well of course they were lying and had actually just bought this suit that they decorated with entrails and other road kill guts. They later admitted the hoax and everyone just thought it was a publicity stunt (which it was).
Well now you yourself can be the lucky owner of this suit. All you have to do is come up with about $1o0,000 or more depending on the ebay bidding. It should make the perfect Christmas gift... especially if you get your own roadkill... the smell would be to die for!

Which brings us to the dying part. When you are a coroner, you just never know if someone is going to wake up before autopsy. Apparently a man rushed his wife to the emergency room and was told awhile later that she had died. Then some poor morgue worker reported the corpse to be still breathing... how totally freaky is that?! You know that that person just stared at her forever thinking, "I'm seeing things, I'm seeing things." I for one always think that a corpse is breathing. When I go to a funeral and there is an open casket, I would swear that they just took a breath... it's totally creepy. Now every time that morgue worker is dealing with a dead body they are going to be thinking it's still breathing. Understandably so, the husband and wife are suing the hospital. She can walk and talk, but still suffers from major brain damage. Some of it could have been avoided if she was properly cared for instead of being put into a fridge... I don't know if they really put her in the fridge, but I bet they did.... CREEPY!

I wonder how the woman "died"... I wonder if it was anything like THIS woman who's husband killed her because she changed her status on Facebook to single when they separated...

Or maybe it was the killer rodent disease that did her in. You know the one in South Africa that is causing internal and external bleeding... I see a new episode of Fringe coming up :)

Oh, oh! Or maybe she died of eating spicey food! This guy died eating super spicey chili sauce during a competition between friends on who could eat the spiciest sauce... he started itching all over and then died... so beware next time you get the hot sauce at Chipotle!

Well however she died, it probably wasn't due to drunk emailing... you know what that is don't you? Maybe you've even suffered from the disease on one or two occassions. You can drunk email, drunk dial, even drunk twitter! It's when you have one too many drinks and think it is an appropriate time to write that email to your ex-boyfriend asking why he really broke up with you... or time to call that friend who really pissed you off last week and you just now are getting the courage to confront them, or maybe it's the perfect time to write that email to your boss about how you feel unappreciated at work... ya, never really a good idea. Well Google has decided to help with the drunk emailing by creating a program called Mail Goggles. The Goggles can kick in late at night on weekends. The feature requires you to solve a few easy math problems in short order before hitting "send." If your logical thinking skills are intact, Google is betting you're sober enough to work out the repercussions of sending that screed you just drafted. And if you can't multiply two times five, you'll probably thank Google in the morning. To activate Goggles, Gmail users should click the "Settings" link at the top of a Gmail page, then go to the "Labs" section. So go for it and add that application if you find yourself getting a little too free after a few drinks. It might just save a few friendships or your job!

Well one person who doesn't need to worry about Mail Goggles because he doesn't need a job right now is the boyfriend of the woman who grew into her toilet seat. You remember this story don't you? A woman with severe anxiety wouldn't leave the bathroom. She just sat on the toilet for like 2 years. It got to the point where her body literally started to atrophy onto the toilet seat, causing her to grow into the seat as the seat adhered to sores on her body. When the police where finally called in, they had to pry the seat off the toilet with a crow bar and send her to the hospital where they surgically removed the seat off of her butt... ok, well anyways, that's not the best part. The boyfriend who's toilet she was stuck to, has now won the lottery for the 2nd time this year!! He just won another $20,000. So maybe somehow having someone stuck to your toilet is good luck.... maybe someone else should try it as a case study. Except, be stuck to something else. Like maybe the kitchen sink. That way you can still have a drain to do your business in, but you'll be close to the food too. See, I'm a genius.

Now for the sad story of the day, a 6th grade girl was killed as she ran into the street to try and save a kitten from getting hit by a car. The car instead hit her and she died at the hospital. I kind of identified with this story as that would have so been me as a child. I was the one always bringing stray animals home and even catching the mice in the house and putting them in cages as pets... I so would have run out into a busy street to save a kitten... prayers go out to her family.

But a good thing about vehicles that don't have anything to do with manslaughter is, hello, gas prices have dropped! That is one of the good things about recession... the price of everything valuable goes down. This is the one thing we are benefiting from as the average american consumer... unless of course you are heavily invested in oil. But even then you should probably get into natural gas or companies who are trying to make sure potable water is available at all times. Anyways, here in Dallas, you can get gas for I've heard $2.60 a gallon. That is amazing! That is really going to help the budget of a lot of people, so that is one economy thing that I am happy about.

Speaking of Dallas, one of my favorite places in Dallas is a little restaurant (if you could even call it that) off of Knox and 75 called Wild About Harry's. They have seriously the best frozen custard you've ever had and their burgers and hot dogs are yum! Anyways, they just announced that even with the recession that are going to go forward with expanding their empire and open new stores. I am so excited about that! I hope one gets opened up over here, although none can compare to the vintage Harry's.

Also, hold on to your roofs because experts are predicting that November may be the worst month yet for Tornados in Texas... they are saying 2008 may end up holding the record for the most tornados... we've already had almost 1300 tornados touch down in the US...I personally kind of like Tornado storms. I say this because I've never had more than hail damage done to any of my property due to the storms... but I always find it kind of exciting when the alarms of the city start going off and we all take cover... but hopefully we never get hit with anything bad. But I really do love storms!

Lastly, beware when you go into convenience stores in the next few weeks. Since it's Halloween season, robberies with masks are going up like they do every year. One of the first ones of the season was last week in Fort Worth... and just to be safe... don't wear your Halloween mask into a store because we are in Texas and the clerk may just think you are going to rob them and shoot you before you know it... but then again, you would make it on News in a Blender that week! :)

Well that does it for me. Look for more news next week! I know I said I wanted to do this once a day, but it is proving to be too much work, so I will be posting a few times a week instead.

So there it is! Your random news of the week, all mixed up so it's easier to swallow!


Kristina said...

Most of this made me laugh. Thanks I needed that.
FYI- There a great Asian Fusion place in Mansfield now called Blue Mint on Debbie Lane- YUMMY!

Linda said...

I just love reading your blogs. On here and your personal one. You have such a great talent.

Anonymous said...

i know i was supposed to read the other blog first but this one was GREAT! mail goggles. genius...mel and i have said for years there should be something like that on your phone that makes you go through several math or questions before you can dial out certain numbers...wild about harrys is good but now that paciugo is right next to scalinis (where we had pizza that night) you guys should come over we will walk to scalinis and then get paciugo and then walk back as th weather is so great...AND i can rent a wheelchair or somethin gfor you! or we can drop you off drive back and then walk ... wait this isn't working.

Jerri said...

How many times did you catch a mouse in our house and put it in a cage?! Probably once! I don't want this making people think that our house was crawling with mice! jk...You're an awesome writer!
Love you!