Sunday, October 26, 2008

Coffee Makes Your Boobs Shrink and Other News

Yes you read that right, coffee and big boobs don't mix.
Scientists have recently discovered that women who drink more than 3 cups of coffee a day run the risk of having their breasts shrink. See, just another reason why I don't drink coffee... besides the fact that the mere smell of it makes me want to gag. But there is the proof we may all need to at least get teenage girls out of Starbucks so you can read the paper in peace without all the giggling and girl talk.
Just bring this article along with you and casually leave it on the table, you'll thank me later.

To continue on with the mildly inappropriate articles, another study has recently shown that really stinky, egg rotting smell farts actually help regulate your blood pressure. The unpleasant aroma of the gas, called hydrogen sulfide (H2S), can be a little too familiar, as it is expelled by bacteria living in the human colon and eventually makes its way, well, out. The new research found that cells lining mice’s blood vessels naturally make the gas and this action can help keep the rodents’ blood pressure low by relaxing the blood vessels to prevent hypertension (high blood pressure). So next time you rip a really nasty one and people start to gag, just say you were feeling a little hypertension-like... how can they argue with that?

Um, here's something random for you:
Out or not, this guy REALLY needs to consider changing his name. Just read the first line of THIS NEWS STORY and you'll most likely agree with me.

I know that grandparents love their grandchildren... but enough to carry them for 9 months? Well this grandmother did as she just delivered triplets... her 3 granddaughters to be exact. When her daughter could not get pregnant, she decided that even though she was 57 years old, she could still help out. And help out she did. Grandma, mommy and babies are doing great... but that is going to be a strange conversation when they get older.

Everyone knows that one slightly crazy old person. I always say mine is my across the street neighbor. He is a sweet old man, but he is literally outside ALL day long. Just sitting in the chair. I'm serious, all day long. The only time he goes inside is if it is pouring raining, but if it's just sprinkling, he's still there. I can only hope he is as thrifty as this man, who had a knack for hoarding cash. He was a "wanderer" and spent the years of his retirement driving around and living out of his Chevy truck. But when he was found in a motel room, dead from lung cancer, the authorities were in for a shock as he had about $263,000 in cash in a leather cassette case. The cool thing about it is the rightful heir to this money was his 27 year old grand daughter who hadn't seen him since she was 9 years old. She had been wanting to go to college but wasn't able to, and now she has enrolled part time in school! I like happy endings! So be nice to those crazy old people, you never know what they are hoarding in their cassette cases.

But if you need cash and don't have the patience to wait for an inheritance from an unknown grandparent, you can always start a pot farm in the Utah Mountains! A few hunters who were trying to bag some deer in central Utah stumbled upon a marijuana farm that contained thousands of plants. When the police were called in, the suspects grabbed as many plants as they could carry and took off running... oh I wish I could have seen that! Eventually they were caught. But you've got to give them 10 points for vigilance. I mean, that was probably hard work setting all of that up... if only there were gun laws that prevented hunting and then they would be able to grow their pot in peace. Vote Democrat people! :) (sarcasm implied)

I wonder if they were the ones who hooked up Ms. Teen Louisiana? Ms. Teen Louisiana was arrested and also de-crowned when she and a few of her friends decided to skip out on their restaurant tab. The problem was when the police were called, they found Ms. Louisiana's wallet, along with her marijuana stash.
Ya, not the smartest blonde I've ever known...

But I wonder if she is smarter than THIS guy who was injured while trying to beat the Guinness Book of World Record for the most cars to run over him. He is currently the record holder for 7 cars, but wanted to beat his own record and bump it up to 8 cars. Good news for him! He was injured on the last car, so he has indeed been run over by 8 cars! He is also known for feats such as picking up six people and pulling box cars with his teeth. He has had over 1,000 vehicles run over him throughout his career according to his Web site.

Only in Texas will 2 students be bit by poisonous snakes, in their own school classrooms. The Big Sandy students (shout out to the Leckies) were messing with a cotton-mouth snake that their teacher had mis-identified as non-venomous. They are fine, but seriously...

Speaking of serious... on to a few more slightly serious subjects:

First off, the Project for Excellence in Journalism's reports shows John McCain's media coverage has been 57 percent negative, while Obama's has been 29 percent negative... wow. Big surprise people. I do however like that studies are beginning to show how ridiculously biased our media is. I long for the days when media outlets were considered neutral and only reported news, not opinion based news. The average American doesn't have the time or the desire to do the research themselves on hot topics, so they rely on the media to give them unbiased information, however, there isn't anything unbiased about their reporting. It's really disgusting actually. Although I did receive THIS excerpt from the Howard Sterns show which made me laugh. I'm sure there are uninformed Republicans too, but this was funny!

I'm sure you've heard about the devastating news that Dreamgirl and American Idol Alum star Jennifer Hudson's mother and brother were found murdered in her mother's Chicago apartment. Then to top it all off, her nephew has been kidnapped! They have a suspect, and are thinking it might be a domestic issue... though the suspect has fled and no one is in custody. I couldn't imagine the pain she is going through. My prayers go out to her.

As they also go out to the 4 children found in a dirty, disgusting rattlesnake filled home. The children ages 7, 3, 1 and 6 months were taken away after reports regarding the 3 year old. When authorities arrived they found the disgusting home that had a non-working toilet, dirty dishes piled in a sink, no running water and a child in soiled diapers. The home had animal and human feces inside, with rattlesnakes caged inside of chicken wire and other evidence of poor child care. Hopefully the majority of them will be kept together in foster care... though I'm not hopeful. I couldn't imagine living like that... I feel the sorriest for the 7 year old... poor thing.

Finally, let's talk about the greed of the banking system... don't even get me started on it... but it seems that some of the banks, who recently were awarded 250 billion of the bailout in order for the government to
buy stakes in banks. The idea was that banks would use the money to start making loans again. Well it seems that the banks have other ideas. Reports have surfaced that bankers might instead use the money to buy other banks, pay dividends, give employees a raise and executives a bonus, or just sit on it. Insurance companies now want a piece; as well as the auto industry.
The actual payout has yet to happen as no money has left the Treasury yet, but these early rumblings are no bueno. The centerpiece of the Emergency Economic Stabilization Act is the "troubled asset relief program," or TARP for short. Critics note that tarps are used to cover things up. The money was to be devoted to buying "toxic" mortgage-backed securities whose value has fallen in lockstep with home prices. But once European governments said they were going into the banking business, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson followed suit and diverted $250 billion to buy stock in healthy banks to spur lending. We'll just have to see how this plays out, but our system is flawed and the people in charge are inherently greedy. It is disgusting.

So there it is! Your random news of the week, all mixed up so it's easier to swallow!


Carrie said...

I am laughing so hard at a few of those news reports. Those poor poor children though!! Anyway, I love coffee, second guessing that though. I can't afford to loose anymore, my kids have taken enough. My dad would be glad to know about the whole gas thing, he has high blood pressure. I won't comment on the man's name, pretty comical though.

Mel said...

Great post Des!

I'm wondering if Mr. Hunter has ALREADY changed his name? get it?

Pipers Mom said...

Thanks For the shout out!!! GO WILDCATS!! (Big Sandy's School mascot)

Pipers Mom said...

Oh and I WILL be drinking those 4 cups of coffee. My boobs are TOO big! LOL!!